So you seem to have cracked the code and found the one. But given the rate at which we need instant gratification nowadays, you struggle with a teeny sense of FOMO, and wonder if there is someone else with fewer flaws and more perfection, out there? It is completely natural to have second thoughts because this is one of the biggest decisions of your life, after all.
Here is a checklist that can help you with your life changing evaluation:
- Unconditional support: If he is the right one, he will encourage your personal growth, support your dreams and make you realise your true potential. Instead of making you feel like an abla naari or a damsel in distress, he will hold up a mirror and remind you how strong and powerful you can be all by yourself. He will be there for you, because he will want to be there for you, and not because he thinks that you are weak without him.
- Powerful communication: It is okay to disagree with each other, but at the end of the day, it is all about respecting each other’s views, and not attacking them. Sometimes, differences create fights too, but as long as there is no form of disrespect involved, it can be managed. Constructive communication is the core foundation of your entire partnership and it should not be compromised with. If he is the right one for you, your rapport with him will feel natural, not forced or planned.
- Alignment: A marriage is an alliance. Although you both are two different individuals in your own right, you will have to sail through the waters in one ship for a lifetime. Smooth sailing cannot be ensured when the directions you want to head in, are different. It is essential that your core values, thoughts on life, visions, dreams and goals, are on the same page. If there is something that you want to do and he might not agree to it, later on, talk it out beforehand. Leaving behind practicalities to the last minute is not sensible.
- Level of comfort: How comfortable you are with him, speaks volumes about your compatibility. Can you meet him when you’re in your pyjamas without any trace of makeup or vanity? Can you tell him about your past relationships without the fear of being judged? Can you imagine him standing by your side with a smile, and holding your hand while you’re in the labour room? If the answer to these three questions is a yes, yes, and yes, then he’s a keeper for sure!
- Effort: In the end, love and marriage are all about giving. Does he ask you to text him when you reach home? If you’ve had a bad day, will he stay up a little longer at night to hear you rant about it? Will he nurse you when you’re ill? Will he plan a special night for you on your birthday? Like they say, a good marriage is built, and not served to you. Without effort, nothing lasts. The effort is literally, everything.
- Personality traits: Nobody is perfect, but habits make or break a person. Is he as disciplined as you’d like him to be? Is he respectful and kind? If there are some traits of his that you don’t like, you need to ask yourself if you will be able to live with it forever.
- Family oriented: This goes without saying. Does he respect your parents? Will he stand up for his wife whenever needed? Does he want to have children or plan a family? There is nothing wrong with not wanting children though, but as mentioned earlier, alignment is key. Your visions have to align so talk about these things in detail, before the marriage.
If he is indeed your Mr.Right, time will affirm your belief in him, every now and then. If he isn’t, it is always better to be safe than sorry.