Nida Aziz, Author at Betterhalf.ai

The Real Reason Why I’m Choosing To Stay Single Today And Maybe Forever!

Finding love in 2018 is still a play of luck. You need to get lucky and certainly not just for a night. I am generally a positive person, but trying to find love for years now has made me a cynic when now when it comes to this subject. I know there are couples out there that make us believe in happily-ever-afters. However, there are also higher divorce rates that make us repel this idea of falling for someone.

Commitment issues were non-existent a couple of decades ago, probably because they didn’t have the option of meeting genuine humans at the touch of a button. Back then, they needed wingmen/women to find decent dates for each other, and today here we are, swiping left and right all too fast to really care. It makes one wonder, have we lost our innocence or sincerity along the way?

I say I want to focus on my career, which is why I am not ready for a relationship right now. People assume I am saying this to make myself feel better, or that I am delusional. They are right, I can manage my work and relationship together. The right relationship would add value to my life, not take away from it. But that’s not half the truth. Truth also is that I am not ready for the kind of relationships that are the norm today. It requires a ridiculous investment of time, energy, and focus.

I really don’t have it in me to play flirtatious with one guy for a month, then chase him in the second month, and wonder what made the fizz go sour, in the third, and then spend the next two months wondering what went wrong. Unfortunately, it’s a never-ending cycle.

If you’re telling me that this mindless play will not affect my focus at work, then let me tell you that I am an all or nothing person, so it does unfortunately affect my work.

I do not merely go on a date with someone to have a great night. I go on dates with the intention to give love a chance.

But it seems like everybody is too occupied with giving each other chances. Chances are great, but isn’t making a choice greater?

Dating in India may have evolved, but cultural acceptance hasn’t. It is 2018 but we still need to filter our prospects by religion, casts, cultural differences etc. Forget winning over gender differences, we haven’t even resolved our basic differences. According to popular belief, matters of the heart are beyond our control. Even though, essentially, the heart is too preoccupied with running the smooth functioning of our bodies to manage any more tasks.

Science says that love is simply a chemical addiction kindled by jumpy hormones and neurotransmitters. The point I am trying to make here is that, even if you happen to find an amazing person and fall in love with them, neurotransmitters rarely get charged up for ships that are safe in their harbor. What if your cultural criteria differs? Many people give up on love, because of these petty issues, even today.

Romeo and Juliet may have belonged to the Shakespearean era, but India didn’t treat Laila Majnu and Sohni Mahiwaal too well either. Unfortunately, hate still wins over love, differences still win over acceptance. People move on, but it is no less heartbreaking today, than it was then.

Love happens, they say, or so we’ve been taught by Bollywood. In my opinion, I believe we meet people of different types in our lives but how do we find love without having to settle for patriachy, mindless games is still a question!

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7 signs which will tell you that he is your Mr. Right

written by Nida Aziz

So you seem to have cracked the code and found the one. But given the rate at which we need instant gratification nowadays, you struggle with a teeny sense of FOMO, and wonder if there is someone else with fewer flaws and more perfection, out there? It is completely natural to have second thoughts because this is one of the biggest decisions of your life, after all.

Here is a checklist that can help you with your life changing evaluation:

Unconditional support: If he is the right one, he will encourage your personal growth, support your dreams and make you realise your true potential. Instead of making you feel like an abla naari or a damsel in distress, he will hold up a mirror and remind you how strong and powerful you can be all by yourself. He will be there for you, because he will want to be there for you, and not because he thinks that you are weak without him.
Powerful communication: It is okay to disagree with each other, but at the end of the day, it is all about respecting each other’s views, and not attacking them. Sometimes, differences create fights too, but as long as there is no form of disrespect involved, it can be managed. Constructive communication is the core foundation of your entire partnership and it should not be compromised with. If he is the right one for you, your rapport with him will feel natural, not forced or planned.
Alignment: A marriage is an alliance. Although you both are two different individuals in your own right, you will have to sail through the waters in one ship for a lifetime. Smooth sailing cannot be ensured when the directions you want to head in, are different. It is essential that your core values, thoughts on life, visions, dreams and goals, are on the same page. If there is something that you want to do and he might not agree to it, later on, talk it out beforehand. Leaving behind practicalities to the last minute is not sensible.
Level of comfort: How comfortable you are with him, speaks volumes about your compatibility. Can you meet him when you’re in your pyjamas without any trace of makeup or vanity? Can you tell him about your past relationships without the fear of being judged? Can you imagine him standing by your side with a smile, and holding your hand while you’re in the labour room? If the answer to these three questions is a yes, yes, and yes, then he’s a keeper for sure!
Effort: In the end, love and marriage are all about giving. Does he ask you to text him when you reach home? If you’ve had a bad day, will he stay up a little longer at night to hear you rant about it? Will he nurse you when you’re ill? Will he plan a special night for you on your birthday? Like they say, a good marriage is built, and not served to you. Without effort, nothing lasts. The effort is literally, everything.
Personality traits: Nobody is perfect, but habits make or break a person. Is he as disciplined as you’d like him to be? Is he respectful and kind? If there are some traits of his that you don’t like, you need to ask yourself if you will be able to live with it forever.
Family oriented: This goes without saying. Does he respect your parents? Will he stand up for his wife whenever needed? Does he want to have children or plan a family? There is nothing wrong with not wanting children though, but as mentioned earlier, alignment is key. Your visions have to align so talk about these things in detail, before the marriage.

If he is indeed your Mr.Right, time will affirm your belief in him, every now and then. If he isn’t, it is always better to be safe than sorry.