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Relationship

In Quest of Compatibility: The Aspects that Truly Matter

In Quest of Compatibility: The Aspects that Truly Matter

written by Shreeradha Mishra

You want to go out and party on a Friday night, but he’d rather stay in and watch a movie.
You like speaking about what bothers you, but she likes to keep it to herself.
You believe in being a vegan, he loves a good steak.
So how do these differences affect your compatibility with each other?

How successful a relationship is, is directly proportional to how compatible the two people in the relationship are, with each other. And of course, this is no secret. While we all seek compatibility with our partners, how do we really understand what true compatibility is? It’s easy. To be able to measure compatibility, psychologists have broken it down into six specific areas. These areas capture the all-round personality traits of any individual. So, if you are wondering how to gauge if you an your Significant Other are compatible, here are the six aspects you should consider.

  1. Emotional Temperament

    This dimension of an individual’s personality is reflective of how they perceive themselves, their emotional status and energy, and how passionate they are when it comes to nurturing romantic relationships. For example, if you can characterize someone as a happy person, who is self-confident and sensitive, that would be their emotional temperament you are referring to.

  2. Social Style

    While emotional temperament has got to do more with an individual’s intimate personality traits, social style dictates how the person behaves outside of his/ her comfort zone. Traits such as character, kindness, dominance, sociability and adaptability define an individual’s social style. Appreciate it when he is kind to a waiter who accidentally spilled a bit of water? Well, that’s his social style.

  3. Cognitive Mode

    This is one of the most difficult dimensions to find compatibility in. A lot of times we hear people say, “it didn’t work out because we had very little in common – there was not much that we could really speak about or do together.” The cognitive mode of an individual captures their intellect, curiosity, humor and artistic passion. Compatibility in this particular aspect, can be truly fulfilling because you and your partner will never run out of things to speak about, and do together.

  4. Physicality

    Physicality includes not just the degree of sexual intimacy an individual enjoys, but also a wide range of other physical factors which contribute to overall compatibility. For example, how physically active or passive one is – do you or your partner enjoy recreational activities which involve physical effort, such as trekking? Are you someone who likes to stay physically fit and active by eating healthy food and exercising regularly? Does the idea of being on the move excite you or stress you out? All these factors contribute to the physicality of an individual.

  5. Relationship skills

    How do you resolve a fight? By talking it out, or by shouting it out? How moody are you? If something unrelated to your partner is affecting you, do you manage it on your own or do you let it spill on your partner? Do you let a conflict escalate by being passive aggressive, or do you clear the air as soon as there seems to be a misunderstanding? All of this speaks about the relationship skills of an individual.

  6. Values and beliefs

    How religious or spiritual a person is, what his ambition in life is, what his personal values and family goals are, all of these fall under the values and beliefs aspect of compatibility. While seeking a partner, some of these aspects could be a prerequisite for many people. For example, one might only want to be with someone who shares their religion, or with someone with whom their value system matches.

Want to find out whether you and your Significant Other are compatible? Click here for a free test.

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7 signs which will tell you that he is your Mr. Right

7 signs which will tell you that he is your Mr. Right

written by Nida Aziz

So you seem to have cracked the code and found the one. But given the rate at which we need instant gratification nowadays, you struggle with a teeny sense of FOMO, and wonder if there is someone else with fewer flaws and more perfection, out there? It is completely natural to have second thoughts because this is one of the biggest decisions of your life, after all.

Here is a checklist that can help you with your life changing evaluation:

  1. Unconditional support: If he is the right one, he will encourage your personal growth, support your dreams and make you realise your true potential. Instead of making you feel like an abla naari or a damsel in distress, he will hold up a mirror and remind you how strong and powerful you can be all by yourself. He will be there for you, because he will want to be there for you, and not because he thinks that you are weak without him.

  2. Powerful communication: It is okay to disagree with each other, but at the end of the day, it is all about respecting each other’s views, and not attacking them. Sometimes, differences create fights too, but as long as there is no form of disrespect involved, it can be managed. Constructive communication is the core foundation of your entire partnership and it should not be compromised with. If he is the right one for you, your rapport with him will feel natural, not forced or planned.

  3. Alignment: A marriage is an alliance. Although you both are two different individuals in your own right, you will have to sail through the waters in one ship for a lifetime. Smooth sailing cannot be ensured when the directions you want to head in, are different. It is essential that your core values, thoughts on life, visions, dreams and goals, are on the same page. If there is something that you want to do and he might not agree to it, later on, talk it out beforehand. Leaving behind practicalities to the last minute is not sensible.

  4. Level of comfort: How comfortable you are with him, speaks volumes about your compatibility. Can you meet him when you’re in your pyjamas without any trace of makeup or vanity? Can you tell him about your past relationships without the fear of being judged? Can you imagine him standing by your side with a smile, and holding your hand while you’re in the labour room? If the answer to these three questions is a yes, yes, and yes, then he’s a keeper for sure!

  5. Effort: In the end, love and marriage are all about giving. Does he ask you to text him when you reach home? If you’ve had a bad day, will he stay up a little longer at night to hear you rant about it? Will he nurse you when you’re ill? Will he plan a special night for you on your birthday? Like they say, a good marriage is built, and not served to you. Without effort, nothing lasts. The effort is literally, everything.

  6. Personality traits: Nobody is perfect, but habits make or break a person. Is he as disciplined as you’d like him to be? Is he respectful and kind? If there are some traits of his that you don’t like, you need to ask yourself if you will be able to live with it forever.

  7. Family oriented: This goes without saying. Does he respect your parents? Will he stand up for his wife whenever needed? Does he want to have children or plan a family? There is nothing wrong with not wanting children though, but as mentioned earlier, alignment is key. Your visions have to align so talk about these things in detail, before the marriage.

If he is indeed your Mr.Right, time will affirm your belief in him, every now and then. If he isn’t, it is always better to be safe than sorry.